So very hard. And it was so very priceless.
Monday, January 25, 2010
One of my bestest dearest friends in the great big whole wide world has cancer. Ya, I said cancer. Carcinoid Cancer. Cancer is like a bad word around here now. First my Dad, now my girlfriend.
She couldn't tell me face to face. We live eight hours apart. She couldn't call me. I think her mind was trying to wrap itself around the news. Good thing she didn't. Cause' I fell apart. I did. I felt my insides tighten and my heart beat faster, and then I just crumpled, and bawled my eyes out till I had a headache. You know, the crying kind...
I love this girl. Why does she have to have cancer and hurt, and not feel good, and hurt, and be tired, and hurt? I wish I was there to take her girls for the day or make her dinner, or laugh at her and crack colonoscopy jokes. You know, the kind you can only make to a bestest dearest friend who has.... ya, cancer. That kind of friendship doesn't happen overnight. We actually met when we were 12. Yikes, that was like 19 years ago. Did I mention we must be getting old? Anyhoodle, we really didn't get to know each other well until we were 17, a mere 14 years ago. We've seen each other through alot. Fun things like Bible camp, horseback rides, cooking adventures, I mean disasters. Whatever. Exciting things like first loves, which we happened to share by the way. Weird, I know, but we came out of it. Finding the love of our lives, losing the love of our lives, getting back together with the love our lives, weddings, horrible highheels, barfing for months on end, family crisisis, holding each other's babies, losing babies, and now this. Cancer.
Just another puzzle peice in our friendship. It's all scraggly, the kind that seems to take forever cause' you can't figure out how it's all going to fit together at the end of the day and make sense in this lifetime. But any puzzle really worth doing isn't just the easy peg kind. The most beautiful puzzles I've seen have multitudes of colors and all kinds of shapes. Some take years I've heard just to put together. So I guess this cancer news is just a hard to figure out puzzle peice that without wouldn't make sense. Something would be missing at the end. So I guess this puzzle peice is just a beautiful part of the bigger picture. We'll figure it out. It may take years. But we'll put it together, and point each other to Christ on the hard days. You just "live strong" in the meantime, and we'll wear our bracelets proudly. All of us.