Friday, April 8, 2011
A sweet friend brought me this song all typed up today. Thanks Lois. It was good for my ugly heart. I've been blessed in so many ways this last month. I have been brought meals, been helped out with different chores, had friends keep my children for me, and received cards and phonecalls from friends who I know love me and are praying us through this difficult time. Every comment, even here on my blog has touched me and made me feel loved. Even though I feel lonely, I know I am truly not alone. Thank-you doesn't seem enough, because salve on an open wound is priceless when you're the one hurting. So many of you have made a difference in our lives this month. Thank-you for reaching out to us and sacrificing your time and energy on our family. I'm convinced now that this month of trials in our life are really His mercies in disguise...
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
So, many of you are wondering where I've been and maybe why I haven't blogged very much lately.
Well, other than birthing my ninth baby and the fact that I don't have time to go to the bathroom by myself and I showered yesterday for the first time in three days mostly due to the fact that as Jared kissed me goodbye for the day, he informed me he had no need for chapstick anymore. He had my greasy hair to moisturize his lips. HA!
Ok. I realize it's not that funny and kinda gross. But I'm keepin it real and just letting you all know what the chaos around here has been like.
This is my gorgeous ankle in all it's glory.
Actually, the picture doesn't do it justice.
It was super red and swollen and before my lovely ulcerized clot formed that was uper painful, It was even prettier in all it's tangled blue mess of veiny glory. And that was before it burst. But that story isn't G-rated, so I'll stop there.
This by far, has been one of the most challenging times in my life.
First, I have my ninth baby. Super special time in our life if you leave out the mastitus, flu, and deep vein thrombosis, and then surgery for the infection that developed. And then the cherry on top... My very first bladder infection. Fun times I tell you.
I can't walk normally. I can't race around and get my housework done. Ya, I have housework. I can't hold my babies normally for fear that they will kick my leg. - Cause' they have... and yes, yelping is required. And we have a few of those too.
I would say, I think I'm healing fine now a week after surgery. The incisions are all still sore, but manageable and my ankle looks soooooooo much better, and I can walk on it.
But, the bruising in my thigh from the surgery is unbelievable and who knew bruises could hurt so bad?? I don't know if I hurt from them more or the muscle pain I seem to have developed over the last few days. I sorta wonder if I caused it from favoring my ankle when walking the past few weeks.
I have to have it wrapped 24/7 which is also uncomfortable and horribly painful to wrap around my bruises. I can grit my teeth and bear quite a bit I think, but this is like somebody pressing down super hard on a bruise while it's being wrapped. I think Jared wants to move to Australia. Yaaaa, he's the wrapper. Poor guy.
I need to put a call in to the doc today and see what he thinks and beg him for more drugs cause' I'm almost out and going into panic mode as this is why I'm walking in the first place. I hope he has some encouragement for me, beacuse I feel a bit desperate. The past month just as one thing starts to get better, then another thing appears on the horizon only to rear it's ugly head all too soon.
I feel done thank-you very much God. I've actually cried out to Him in tears at different times the past few weeks wondering what He wants me to glean from all of this.
I still feel like I'm at a loss.
But this I know. I miss my church family whom I haven't seen in almost 3 months, and I feel lonely. And I'm pretty sure Jared wants to trade me in for a more cheerful wife who maybe showers more often. He's exhausted. I'm exhausted and I'd love to write some lovely verses the Lord has given me, but my brain is fried right now, and I'm just venting anyway...
I do know I can trust Him. He does have a plan in all of this ugly stuff, and yes, things could be worse.
So tonight, as you listen to me share my discouraged tired heart and body ailments, know that I'm sharing the ugly ankle with you and the ugly in my heart.
I'm tired of being tired, and I know I need to be thankful in all things, and I do desire to draw closer to Him in all of this and point others to Christ, but man, suffering is so hard, and I'm far from living through all this with seasoned grace.
Please pray for me and my tired husband and my children who need their Mommy back. It's been a long haul for everyone.
Well, the ugly ankle needs to go to bed.
And the ugly in my heart needs to be dealt with.