Wednesday, July 18, 2012

A Year Ago Today...

July 18th, 2011
"Make new friends, but keep the old, one is silver and the other gold, the circle is round, it has no end, that's how long I want to be your friend."

Love of God is pure when joy and suffering inspire an equal degree of gratitude. - Simone Weil 
If I close me eyes long enough, hard enough, when I lay my head on my pillow at night, I can almost still feel your damp hollow cheek against mine. Your slow breathing in my ear... I can even feel your wispy red curls against my brow that last time. I wish I would've layed there longer. Told you in more words how very much I loved you , how deeply I will miss you, how the hurt in my heart and ache in my chest literally take my breath away at times. I can hardly listen to a multitude of songs now without crying and yet I do, because they are my favorite and they bring comfort like none other. You have no idea, or maybe you do... how much I recite Psalms 15:30 "As for God, His way is perfect."  The theme verse for your blog and now, the Scripture on your tombstone.Oh, how I've clung to this in my darkest hours when I've been angry and so faithless wondering how you could have been taken from me, your girls, your family... It has seemed cruel at times, but this I know. God is good all the time. And even more precious to me in those times.

They say time heals. Well, the year marker is almost here and I hurt just the same. Sometimes more I feel. SO much left unsaid, so much life to be lived, funny stories to tell you, deep unmentionable groanings of a mother's heart that only a best friend can bare like you would have with me. There's been joy too. I can't complain. So many things to be thankful for even admidst the hardest, darkest year of our lives. I've gotten pregnant twice - Hope Israel is up there with you! And now this little girl we are about to meet will be here soon! We sold our home finally! You looked at the one we bought online a year and a half ago and said, " It looks like you built it Jess." You were right. - Minus my two story and a big ol' front porch of course. :) But don't you fret, I'll make it work just fine and find you a big ol' spot to hang somewhere right proud for all to see. I just know how you loved being the center of attention. HA! :) ( for those of you who did not know my Robin - this is NOT her at all. ) Oh, but a best friend loves to torture... 

I can still hear you whisper, "Don't go." and  "Where's Moko?" as you patted the bed looking for him, making almost no sense one minute and then clearly getting everything we said the next with your deep smile and sparkle in your eyes as you remembered with us the silly mundane memories that seem like yesterday and a million miles ago all the same. I want to eat Mexican and Puppy Chow more than ever. Can you imagine that? HA! 

Laying on that bed with you the last day on this side of eternity, I experienced Jesus in a way I will never forget. Tears rolling down our cheeks singing great hymns like "Great is Thy Faithfulness" and old camp songs like the friends song we sang... I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt He was there too. All rolled up in a ball leaning into you to be as close as possible, but careful not to touch for fear of causing you more pain as you earthly body wasted away before our very eyes and you, my Robin, on your journey into heaven's gate just 5 days later. 

I've wished you back many times for a selfish millisecond and then scolded myself  severely because as Paul said, "To live is Christ, but to die is gain." You are on the better side of life my sweet Becca Joy, my Robin. I cannot wish you back. You would not choose to come - if even for a millisecond. 

So today, even though the tears will not stop, I will not wish you back, but bask in all God has done for others, including myself, through your life, your servant's heart, your pain and suffering, and your eventual death and cross over into glory and perfection into Jesus's precious healing arms. 

" After you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to His eternal glory in Christ will Himself restore,confirm, strengthen, and replenish you." ~ 1 Peter 5:10

Monday, July 16, 2012

America The Beautiful

It was the perfect evening. Warm, but not too muggy. Not windy - a rare event here in the north.  
A perfect night to sit and enjoy fireworks!
My little firecrackers!

It seemed so calm with only 6 kids this week because the older girls were at Grandmas's.

Waiting and waiting...

My cute hubster

My cute Sully Wully!

No comment. HA! 

Mama's boys!

This girl enjoyed being the lone princess all week!

The family ham!

Camera hog...

Bash even got into the cheesy smiles!

One big scared cry at the beginning of the show from the two little boys and then they were mezmorized!!

Brotherly Love...

Sophie found a lone spot to park herself in and take in the show.

So fun to watch them take it all in. It was Sully's first time watching fireworks.

Can you believe he was out with all that noise by the end of the show?  It had been a long tiring day I guess.
Poor little baby...

Four little buns all snuggled in enjoying the fun and Mommy's speech on our forefathers and freedom I'm sure... HA! 

Swimming 101

Passed Yea!! 

Onto Level 6! This girl can dive now! :)

Madeline also passed onto level 5. He dives aren't too shabby  either. :) 

Brady actually caught onto diving quicker than the girls and the exercise ball/trick really seemed to help them learn to maneuver that quite well. Man, teachers are smart these days... Now onto level 5!

Can I just say fearless? Help me God. This boy will do anything.  Needless to say, he passed to level  3! 

"A" for effort! HA! This boy did so well and was so brave this year. His little body isn't strong enough  for much endurance tho, so we'll see where he's at next year.

She doesn't cry anymore in the bathtub which is a big deal for mom and dad! HA! So that's passing in our eyes. Hee Hee.

We met some good friends at lessons everyday and I think it was motivating for my little ones to have some of their  friends to see every day. 

Harrison was ga ga over his goggles! 

Say cheese!!

Lots of sibling torture happened over the course of two weeks with these two.  Sigh....

Poor sweaty Sebastian. It was so humid in that pool room! 

This look pretty much sums up how we felt after two hours of  swimming lessons every day. 
It's always fun, but when the classes are over, we are ready to be done!

Class time! Let's learn some new swimming rules!

I think I was officially being ignored here as I breached the rules of engagement with my older two.  HA!

Sophie's first full swimming session. We made it thru this  year without stitches! Yay! 

A wee bit shy my girl is. :)

She loved her pool toys tho! 

Harrison took to the water like a fish this year!!

Alexis only has a year left. Seems like she was just in the beginner class and scooting along the wall with the other littles. Sigh... Time goes by way to fast. My little fish will be 12 this week. ;)

Can't wait for next year! Well, maybe I can...